Monday, October 13, 2008

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Zen for the day

Oh, Faux news...

Thursday, October 9, 2008

If only...

Best political cartoon ever!

The caption reads: "I keep thinking we should include something in the constitution in case the people elect a fucking moron."

Posted on Natuba

Friday, October 3, 2008



1) the purification or cleansing of someone or something : the purgation by ritual violence of morbid social emotions.

My desk is messy. It bears no resemblance to anything even remotely organized. If the only snap-shot of my life that a person saw was my desk they would probably say, "Yikes!" or, "Woah, ewww". In both cases, they would be making a face like something horrible just happened in their mouth.

The thing is that I havent been able to shake it. I have barely been able to really admit it. I have a horribly messy desk. Okay, I have a horribly messy desk that I rarely use. I have a horribly messy desk that I rarely use and I defend it like I have no choice but to consider it sacred. I defend it and consider it sacred because I am afraid to change it.

Sanctity clarifies and reinforces the definition of profane. This is one of its functions. Its the principle of identical differences that Alan Watts spoke of. Sacred and profane have identical differences. Wrap your brain around that. Though this is not the only function of sanctity, I do think that claiming something as sacred lends us a perception of ultimate importance. An answer that seems to have substance when asked, "Who am I?" The reply, "Well! I uphold this very special thing. Who the hell are you to judge it and question it! ITS VERY SPECIAL!!!! AAARRRRGGGGGHHHH!!! You cant make me change this very special thing! That would challenge me and make me do uncomfortable things... like growing... and stuff."

This is how I feel about what my desk represents in my life. An old, cluttered, increasingly disorganized space that I dont understand how to bring into the present. I dont know how to grow in that way. I think it is symbolic, or depicts a part of my own identity that I have neglected to individuate, neglected to cultivate.

Its as if there are many facets to each one of us, and every one of those facets has to be matured individually. Someone can be a champion and have enormous experience in one area of life, and respond like a whining infant in another. I could probably train and climb a mountain, but I cant seem to clean my desk... But we expect ourselves to have ALL the answers ALL the time, like we are some kind of 24-hour sports station that only broadcasts the very best of humanity. We expect so much from ourselves and yet have such negative self talk when it doesnt happen.

It doesnt happen because its not there. We havent taken the time and care to grow the part of us that needs attention... how can we expect it to perform like a champion? Like the buddhist teacher Cheri Huber says: "If we had someone in our life who treated us the way we treat ourselves, we would have gotten rid of them a long time ago."

Bringing these underdeveloped parts of ourselves up-to-date requires two things; integrity and openness to others. Integrity with ourselves and openness to others as they go through the process and grow / change.

This is pretty much what happens inside all of our minds at one time or another.

Integrity: "Go clean your desk!"

Me: "But I dont want to...." *pouty face* "Its so much easier to sit here and click the remote with one hand while I eat cheesy-poofs with the other, look at all the thigns I can do with my hands!"

Integrity: "I dont fucking care if you dont want to, I require it! Suck it up snowflake, the choice is simple. Stop using that dress to wipe your tears and snot and go clean the desk even though you dont want to OR IM LEAVING, and it takes a lot of work to get me to come back!"

Me: "Why are you shouting? I dont understand..."

Me: "Hello...?"

Me: "Whats wrong with my dress?" "Hello.....?"

Having integrity doesnt mean having all the answers. It means being honest with ourselves about what our priorities are and learning to be satisfied with slightly longer term goals than with immediate goals. It does feel good to not clean my desk. It even gives me ammunition to turn the whole situation into a holy war by declaring my sacred desk-keeping skills under attack.

For a long time, I dont think Ive been entirely honest with myself. About a week ago I finally admitted it while I was feeling particularly good and had the emotional energy to create movement in that space. You know what happened? I cleaned my desk. It felt so trmendously UNDERWHELMING. I was kind of baffled, and decided to keep going. I cleaned not only my desk, but I sorted through an entire years worth of papers from school. I sorted through my old study materials for board exams, and you know what I did with all that energy and a huge pile of emotionally-laiden paperwork? I fucking burned it in the fireplace! No recycling took place with that stack! It felt soooo good! Im glad I finally did it.

Now the space is finally cleared. What am I going to do with a clean desk? I dont exactly know how to use even a dirty desk... Oh well, I guess I will have to figure that out as I go.